With the nation's birthday this past weekend, Teeter tackles a series of birthday related questions from his readers.
This week, Teeter helps his readers deal with public embarrassment - which is much different than pubic embarrassment. We learned that one the hard way.
This week, Teeter gives his opinion on those most-unwanted of surprises - pregnancy and babies.
Spring is the perfect time for a wedding. And the perfect time for Teeter to share his opinion on several nuptial-related topics.
This week, Teeter tackles four largely superficial issues, giving each the attention (or dismissal) they deserve.
This week, Teeter deals with the most unfortunate thing of all - an insecure male.
This week, Teeter deals with mother-in-laws, nosy houseguests, and one of his favorite topics - large breasts.
This week, Teeter doles out the good word to people facing troublemakers, busybodies, and others trying to make their lives difficult.
This week, Teeter advises his readers on how to deal with inconsiderate assholes.
This week, Teeter reports on something very dear to his heart : teenage and pre-teen girls - how to be one and how to deal with them.
It's couples only this week, as Teeter answers questions from some not-so-happily married couples.
This week, Teeter discusses the truth - when to use it and when to avoid it like the plague.
This week, Teeter gives out tips on how to spice up long-term relationships, deal with teenage relationships, and start salacious relationships.
This week, Teeter urges his readers to stand up and take charge of their lives in the New Year. Only in slightly less flattering terms.
This week, Teeter dishes out some tough love to a quartet of ladies on how to deal with various people in their lives.
Teetereater is not a licensed therapist. Nor a psychologist. Nor anything else that requires a license. He is merely an opinionated half-man, half-bear who answers questions sent to him at email@example.com.
Dear Teeter: While sitting with my husband in the hospital following his surgery, a nurse entered his room. We all chatted while she took his pulse, etc., when -- without warning -- she removed his covers to check the surgery site and totally exposed his genitals.
I was shocked and embarrassed, and have trouble ridding myself of the image of my naked husband lying there in front of another woman. I wish the nurse had given me the chance to leave the room.
Is there something wrong with me for having so much trouble with this? What can I do to avoid this in the future?Dear Idiot:
I can tell you read my column religiously. I love you. I miss playing against you as Shang Tsung, trying to do a stupid fatality. In fiddler's green there's a tv next to your brother's bench press, and that tv will have a SNES with MK II. Nearby a pack of cookies, hidden deftly from your dad. I'm sure heaven is different from us all, but you should know you're in mine.
I have fallen in love with a wonderful man I'll call "Ted." Ted is everything I want in a man. We have been together for five months, and he is always very well-dressed -- which is important to me. I take pride in the way I look and want my partner to do the same.
Ted and I went out yesterday. It was cold outside and Ted said he would wear a sweater. Well, the sweater looked like something he found in a trash bin! It was stained, dirty and faded. How do I tell Ted that sweater has to go without hurting his feelings? I felt embarrassed to be with him, which I hated to admit to myself. How can I tell him not to wear it again?Dear Rachel:
Up to that point, Ted was everything you wanted, and suddenly you don't agree with the guy's tastes and he's in need of a change? Have you considered that you might be in the wrong here? That maybe, just maybe, Ted has figured out the new fall fashion before you?
You're a superficial slut. Why should you care about what cloths and pelts he adorns? He is the same underneath that you claim to love. You don't know love. You just wanted a decoration. A little shiny ornament to hang on your tree.
If it really means so much to you, burn the sweater and tell him it's because you know his lover gave it to him. Right or wrong, it should make for great drama. You dirty slinky whore.
My fiance, "Michael," and I are being married next month. We are upset and embarrassed about the slinky, low-cut gown his mother plans to wear. Michael says if she goes through with wearing it, he doesn't want her at the church, the reception, or in any of the photos.
Both Michael and I have tried to tell his mom that the dress is too revealing and not appropriate for the occasion. At first she said she'd find a different dress, but she has since changed her mind and plans to wear it because Michael's dad "loves" the dress on her.
No one else in the family will back us up and tell her not to wear it. What can we do? Michael's mom will be embarrassing her son and me on the most important day of our lives. HelpDear Bride:
Your wedding is unfortunately not yours to micromanage. You do not throw the wedding for your own amusement, but for the enjoyment of the people you love, as a sign of appreciation for being in your lives. You and your ungrateful cunt future husband shouldn't get married, but rather aborted. Die.
Dear Teeter: I am in a very awkward situation. I was married last week and am very happy with my new husband, "Brett." However, when people ask, "Where did you two meet?" that's when the glamour shatters.
You see - Brett and I met in a public restroom in a very rundown area that we happened to be vacationing in. I hate telling people that's where we met because they usually laugh, thinking it's a joke. What should I tell these people when they ask?Dear vmrichards:
The truth is actually unbelievable as is. So why lie? Just tell them the truth first and if they blink, tell them just kidding, and that you met on eHarmony.com. They'll probably just think you're an ass, appropriately, and that you don't want to tell them because it's probably embarrassing.
Until next time,
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