I have been married almost two years and am having problems with my wife's male friends. She has never had a lot of female friends, and she has had physical relationships with some of her male friends in the past.

We have had several arguments over her relationships with these men and my inability to trust them. I agree with her on that point; however, I would feel awkward if she confided in a male friend if she and I ever got into a tiff.

I am really troubled by this. I believe it opens a window of opportunity for the guy to make advances when she's at a low point. I recently was forwarded an e-mail from one of her male friends that referred to her as "Sweetie" and "Puddin' Pop." Is that right? Should I confront her on this? What should I do?

I would go over to that male friend of hers and kick his ass. Ring his doorbell and when the door opens pop him in the nose and while he's reeling back, wail on him like a drunk Irish sailor overcharged by a leprechaun prostitute.

I would shit in his gas tank. If you feel threatened here, you should level the playing field. Start talking to chicks. Hang out with them. If you're not enough man for your woman, see how she likes not being woman enough for you. Pride is a bitch.

Shove a few puddin pops in your woman's gas tank. Screw her, man. You obviously need to cause some havoc and drink some beer.

I have known "Nick" for four years. We met through my ex-boyfriend, "Frank." We have been dating for about nine months.

Frank and I have a child together; our daughter, "Mary," just turned 5. My ex and I rarely speak to each other, and when we do, it's only about Mary.

I love Nick with all my heart and would never cheat on him. How can I convince him that I am no longer interested in Frank? Whenever we have an argument, he says, "Go back to Frank -- maybe he can make you happy."

Would I be out of line if I told Nick, "If you don't like the idea of my talking to my child's father, there's the door, and don't let it hit you on your way out"? We don't even live together, and he's trying to control me. How do you think it would be if we started living together -- which we have discussed?

If you really love Nick, you should tell him that the circumstances are clearly that Frank's the father of your daughter, and that you can't get around that simple fact. And Nick he can't get around it himself, then he should find another pipe to clean.

If he tells you to go back to Frank, tell him to go back to his mommy. What a raytard. I really can't condone your relationship with that pansy.

I have been seeing "Richard" for a year. He was married for 33 years and has been divorced for four. Richard told me he loves me and wants to marry me, but because he's an honest man, he has also told me he still loves his ex-wife and would go back to her if she would have him.

Richard has grown children, and when there are family celebrations -- birthdays, weddings, etc. -- he expects me to attend with him. His ex comes to these affairs, and I feel like I'm being used as a buffer to help him handle the pain of being around her. I told Richard I'd feel far more comfortable at these family functions if his ex would bring an escort. His reply: "I don't think I could handle that." Other than that, we have an excellent relationship.

Teeter, I lived with an alcoholic for 25 years. I have had enough grief to last a lifetime. Besides, I'm really not interested in marriage. I have discussed this with my daughter. She said, "Write to Teeter, and see what he has to say."

You could always call Richard's ex and talk to her about the situation. If she doesn't want him back, then I'm sure she'd be willing to help you keep him away. Ask her advice. Maybe team up with her to make sure that when the family thing happens, she brings an escort.

Dick wants what he can't have, and maybe the best way to help him address his problem head on is to put him in a position where he might not have you anymore either. Move your stuff out of his place, call him up and tell him that you think it's a good idea if you stop seeing each other. If he asks why, tell him it's because he can't get over his ex, and you don't want to deal with someone who's still living in 1978. Either he tries to get you back and deals with his ghosts, or he moves on. Either way, you don't want to be stuck with a guy who's imagining his ex while he's in bed with you naked, slipping in the back door.

I am a Caucasian man married to a Filipino woman. We have a 9-month-old daughter. The problem is that strangers come up to me and ask if my daughter is adopted. I find this extremely offensive. What can I say to these people?

Just say she's your wife, and that you bought her in Thailand. Then scratch your nuts. No one will ask you anything for a long time after that.

Just say no.